The “Today I Fucked Up” section of Reddit is normally the exact place you need to be for a bit of a giggle and/ or groan, but one recent post has caused pretty much everyone – boys and girls – in the office to cross their legs and wince.
It begins thus: “I live in Miami, and was planning to go to the beach today, but instead I’m spending my afternoon sitting on a cold can of ginger ale.”
Buckle up, kids, we’re in for a bumpy ride.
“I needed to clean up my bikini line, but I forgot to pick up a critical pack of disposable razors,” the anonymous poster wrote. “‘It’s okay,’ I think. ‘My old roommate left behind Nair.'”
In case you’re not up to speed on Nair, it’s a hair removal cream, like Nads or Veet, which basically dissolves the hair off your skin.
See where this is going?
“I slathered myself (carefully) in this ‘cherry blossom scented’ calcium hydroxide solution. You’re supposed to let it sit for about 5-7 minutes, and I could feel the cream getting warmer as it went about its merry hair-dissolving business. It stung a bit, but I could handle it. Until I realized I needed to pee.
“So make my way to the toilet, and I start to pee, when a searing pain explodes in my crotch. PSYCH — the pee spread chemicals way down into my nether regions, and I was in agony.”
“Boys, this was like pouring boiling water directly onto your dick. I’m yelling, I’m peeing on the floor as I run to the shower, I jump in the shower and start rinsing with water like my life depended on it. At this point, I was in so much pain, my life did depend on it.”
IT GETS WORSE; the poor girl very quickly realised that the hot water she’s directing onto her burning nether regions is doing the opposite of helping, and is making it burn even harder.
Thankfully, she’s a biochemistry student.
“Eventually something clicks, and I remember that leave-in hair products tend to be acidic. I grab my hair gel (contains phosphoric acid) and neutralize the Nair as best I can. After a bit, sweet relief (sorta) washes over me. I rinsed, got out of the shower, and assessed the damage. Not good. Everything was swollen, deep red, and still felt like it was burning, but not as intensely.”
And that’s where the ginger ale comes in.
“I’ve been sitting on a can of ginger ale for half an hour, and it’s no longer cold enough to make the burning go away. Time to switch it out for a Fanta.”
We’ll never look at Veet or Fanta the same way again.