How’s this for a cross-your-legs-and-wince story: A man in China got a chopstick wedged UP HIS PENIS when he attempted to use the eating implement to investigate why there was blood in his urine.

We’ll give you three guesses, mate. You keep sticking things in there.

The man, known only as “Chen”, was too embarrassed to go to the doctor but pushed the 18 cm stainless-steel chopstick too far and was unable to remove it.

Terrifyingly, doctors admitted that the unfortunate man, from East China’s Zhejiang Province, could have died if he’d pushed it any further in; an x-ray showed the object had reached his rectal wall. 

The operation, thankfully, was a success, according to Asia Wire, although it’s unknown if there has been any long-term damage.

Poor Chen.