Kids ah!?!  I have spawned two of them myself. Two mini men full of non stop energy, cheekiness and ‘poo poo jokes’. That is the latest obsession in my house… ‘poo’. Extremely high brow, I know. Apparently it is a real crowd pleasing topic in the kinder playground too.

I will admit the first 642 references made by my nearly four year old son Baxter about bodily waste was kinda amusing. Now we are sitting close to the 10,000 mark.

My days play out a little like this, “What do you want for breakfast Bax”… “I want (pause for effect) POO POO”. Boom tish! Followed by the same response for pretty much all of the questions I throw at him like what do you want to wear today? What do you want for lunch? Who did you play with a kinder? What are you going to dream about tonight?” It makes for extremely stimulating conversation. Please don’t be jealous that I have given birth to the next Jerry Seinfeld.

As much as his potty chat is grinding my gears at the moment, no one cracks me up as much as my son. When he mispronounces words I find it so adorable that I want to pop him in between some soft white bread and gobble him whole. My latest favourite word he says wrong is ‘skooky’, instead of ‘spooky’. I refuse to correct him as it is as cute as it is annoying, so if you see a 32 year -old man in the future referring to scary things as ‘skooky’, you know that’s my boy.

Kids are endless sources of entertainment. They say what they want when they want with little to no inhibitions. What flies out of their mouths is pure gold at times.

The other day I got to hang with some little peeps at a mini tea party. There were cup cakes, fairy bread and plastic tea cups galore. Side note, how long since you have had fairy bread? DO YOURSELF A FAVOUR! (White bread, lots of butter and sprinkles a plenty). The conversations I was having with these adorable little delicious tots was too much for my ovaries to handle. Their innocence and uncensored chatter makes for the most hilarious and adorable mini convo’s. I asked one little four year old if she knew who Kim Kardashian was, without missing a beat she said she was pretty sure she was her dad. Made no sense, didn’t need to. Was pure gold. Another little girl told me her all time favourite food was apple. Apple? I mean apples are ace and all but she has clearly never been allowed to stroll down the confectionary aisle at Coles.

Sometimes I wish I still lived in the uncensored world of a four year old. I can tell some pretty top notch poo jokes.


– Monty Diamond 

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