It takes a brave man to ‘fess up to a public pant-sh*tting, but a bloke called Bradley felt his tale needed telling, and thankfully took to The Lad Bible to do it.
“I was in college and I needed a sh*t just as I left for home,” Bradley explained. “I thought ‘F*ck it, wait ’til I get to my Nan’s’.
“By the time I got to the tram stop I was turtle heading. Any minute I was sure I was gonna blow. I was pacing up and down the tram stop and getting all kinds of funny looks.
“I got on the tram and it was packed, and I knew I couldn’t hold it.”
So, obviously, Bradley felt a sh*t-stop pit-stop was in order.
“At a stop in Manchester called Cornbrook, if you walk down the stairs you can go behind the stop and get to road which is deserted – the type of place you’d take a girl you’ve picked up on Grand Theft Auto,” Bradley continued.
“Finally I get to Cornbrook, leg it to the stairs and now it’s coming. A brown baby is on its way and there is no stopping it.
“So I kinda do a thrust forward to try to clench my arse cheeks. This guy next to me on the stairs just looks at me, bewildered.”
Squeaky bum time, eh?
“I legged it down the stairs to the [usually] deserted road and it’s FULL of builders! I’m like ‘what the f*ck?!’
“Next to this road is a main road with bushes so I run there, in the bushes, pants down and explode! Relief! But because I was squatting I sh*t all over my foot. Wiped my arsed with a bit of grass and it was in my fingers.”
But Bradley wasn’t going to give up on the day, oh no.
He had a grandmother to visit.
“People were covering their mouths and moving away from me. There I am covered in my own sh*t, stinking the tram out but everyone was too polite to say.
“I got to my Nan’s, walk in the door and she goes ‘Hiya, how was your day?’ and I’m like ‘Nan, I need to -‘, she cuts me off and she’s like ‘Ooh what’s that bloody smell?’
“I go upstairs to get a shower and wipe my arse properly and I notice it was on my shoulder. HOW THE F*CK?!“
Oh Bradley. Bless you.
watch: the new trailer for rings will give you nightmares for days