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The BRUTALLY Honest Thoughts We All Had While Watching Bach

It’s back.

Everyone’s guilty pleasure, the Bachelor and this time it stars Richie as our heartthrob.

Tonight, I sat down and penned my thoughts about what was happening as loads of girls swoon over a man who has muscles for days.

I’m a guy.

This is what I thought while watching the Bachelor, eating a burrito.

1. Is it really season 4? How many hours have we spent laughing at ridiculous dates? Can someone let me know?
2. The mansion looks like somewhere you would go and get offered a happy ending.
3. Richie is a rope technical? Is that what he said.
4. He can swim. So can I. I could be the Bachie.
5. Pocket square count. 2 so far.
6.Have his cheekbones become more defined since the last season?
7. All bachelor’s are close family units aren’t they?
8. I’m a close family unit with my bed and food.
9. That six pack he has. Is my dream body. Instead, I have flab.
10. Someone call me if they find flab hot. I am free.
11. Megan is obsessed with water. If that's your personality highlight, you are gone.
12. None. She’s from Bali and designs swimwear, she also likes water, clearly.
14. We are married, she’s mine now.
15. Marsha is a yoga teacher. Bore.
16. Oh apparently we call people who like Yoga, Yogis.
17. Janey, is a children’s entertainer and clearly batshit crazy. Which is fine for 1 hour a day.
19. UberEats order update. Arriving in 15.
20. Georgia is an artist and feels at peace with art. I fall asleep at art. She can keep herself busy.
21. Is there 22 girls? That's more girls than I have ever said hello to.
22. Are Richie and Osher in the same suit?!
23. Nope, Osher’s is way nicer.
24. Richie wants a co-pilot. Didn’t know he could fly planes. What a triple threat.
25. His palms are sweaty. Knees weak? Moms spaghetti?
26. UberEats order status: Food has left the restaurant.
27. Oh, hey Nikki. That dress is too much for anyone. Just a great black dress is all we need.
28. Whats good here is Richie just told someone to breathe. Y’know the thing we all do EVERY SINGLE DAY.
29. Megan already pulling out the ‘forever’ card. Three words in.
30. Her earrings are long.
32. She said he smelt good but the reports say he smells bad. Who do we believe?
33. Janey is a child. I can’t even. Like can we just think about how she goes about her daily life.
34. If this is a miracle, then I don’t want to see a real miracle.
35. She’s gone way too deep, way too quickly.
36. Lost a shoe deliberately. I am done. Get her gone, quickly.
37. Nat. Nah. Georgia, good lipstick. Tiffany, red dress is hot.
38. Eliza, has a weird chin. Why do I always notice chins.
39. It seems very sharp in certain angles.
40. She called herself Lady Eliza. She called him, sir. Who is she.
46. NOPE.
47. OK. Holy hell. Alex is just stunning isn’t she?
48. Alex has wrote a note.
49. OK. Holy hell. Alex is crazy isn’t she?
50. He loves every single girl doesn’t he? The rose ceremony is going to be so long.
51. I think I hate like chins and like teeth. That’s what I have learnt tonight.
52. Keira loves herself sick. She thinks she has great style but nothing she is wearing is amazing.
53. If she asked me ‘’do i look good’’, I would have to lie.
54. She ended the introduction. Awks.
55. Surprise, all the girls think he’s cute.
56. Eliza is singing again. It’s so out of tune, it hurts my head.
57. Does anyone have any panadol?
58. Vinteaea. Do you know how many times I paused to try and spell this name?
59. She has sworn twice. She’s my kind of girl.
60. Make that three times.
61. She’s into teeth too. Killing it for me.
62. The music really sets the mood doesn’t it? I can tell when a girl is going to be a stunner, slow pace.
63. She’s way too skinny. Do you even eat?
64. Speaking in a foreign language is hot as.
65. All in and they pretty much hate each other already.
66. Losing their minds over one-shoe girl even though she has a guaranteed meet with Richie to get her shoe back.
67. Few months? I am going on holiday in September, guys.
68. Can someone fill in for me in September?
69. The white rose is back and it’s all based on first impressions. Count one-shoe lady out. Annoying as. 70. Get the white rose, get a date on night one.
71. Described as ‘’exclusive access’’. It seriously sounds like the VIP part of a crappy bar you go to when you are 18.
72. Do they get drink cards?
73. Raising glasses and all I see is people trying not to look drunk.
74. ‘’Your accent is so cute’’… he’s just Aussie.
75. Bacon girl has taken him off within seconds and held his hand.
76. She’s a bitch.
77. Janey think she’s in a fairytale but the problem is if I hear her say fairytale one more time, I will have to smash my TV.
78. Here we go, someone is going in to break up the date.
79. It’s over-the-top sparkly dress girl.
80. It wasn’t even smooth.
81. Another is going into break-up the dress because she doesn’t want the other to win.
82. They know a winner isn’t chosen in week one, yeah?
83. I have had to get a beer to deal with the amount of attention one man is getting.
84. They are all legit from the movie Mean Girls.
85. How do they all have such good posture?
86. I bet they all have stand-up desks at work.
87. Alex has dropped the bombshell about kids and Faith interrupts.
88. OMG, so much drama. Drama, drama, drama.
89. Apparently, these girls have no class.
90. Coming from a girl who is clearly so drunk and shouting.
91. The number of interruptions is making just want to turn the TV off.
92. Keira is playing this like she has won the game already.
94. Eliza is getting people to plank.
95. How have so many people take this up?
96. I would walk out. I could hold that for 3 seconds.
97. Tiffany gets a red rose for planking? I really need to work on fitness.
98. This is the first time I have noticed how drunk they all actually get.
99. I love Vintaea so much.
100. Just keep swearing. Forever. Just keep going. Swearing is hot.
101. Janey the dreamer is back and still hasn't have a shoe yet.
102. Perfectly timed, here comes Richie with her shoe.
103. Now she can walk again. Wow.
104. Threeway conversation going on right now and it lasted all of 13 seconds. That is probably a record.
105. He is hooked on Megan already.
106. Did he just bat off another girl for Megan?
107. Imagine being Megan right now, she has killed it. (Red rose given).
108. Rose ceremony here we come!
109. 16 roses is a lot to give isn't it?
110. 3 are going home.
111. Sweary better stay.
112. I bet sweary and princess go.
113. I may cry.
114. VINTAEAEAEAEA or however it is spelt.
116. He bloody gave her a rose.
118. Sasha ate her rose. What she really needs is Nuggets like everyone when they are drunk.
119. I have misplaced all my alliances here.
120. And we done.
121. Solid hustle.

The Bachelor continues on Channel 10 tomorrow evening at 7:30 PM.

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